Ami Has a Weird Dream!
by MarsFireSoul2500
Summary: Ami Vs. Michiru


The lunch bell rang and the four girls walked down the hall to the cafeteria.  
Makoto: Usually, after we get our lunches, we sit at the tables outside.  
Minako: Like, Mako-chan ALWAYS brings her own lunches...  
Rei: At my old school, we could never eat lunch outside.  
Usagi: Wow, Rei-chan, it's so exciting! I still can't believe you transferred to our school!  
Rei smiled.  
Minako: Like, hey, has anyone seen like Ami-chan around anywhere?  
Makoto: She's in the library studying for an exam.  
Rei: Big dork...  
She mumbled, as they entered the cafeteria and joined the end of the lunch line.  
Usagi: Rei-chan, I heard that!  
Rei: What do you care! It's not like I'm talking about you.  
Usagi: Oh, yeah. You're right.  
She said, giggling. Each of them grabbed a tray and approached the counter.  
Rei: Bakano...  
Usagi: AHAHAHA!  
Minako: That time I think she was like talking about y-  
Minako was cut off by Rei slapping her hand over Minako's mouth.

Finally, it was their turn to receive lunch. Usagi was first. When she got to the lunch counter, she began to order like crazy, smiling with her eyes closed.  
Usagi: Hiiiii! I'll have a chocolate cream pie with five cupcakes - no, make that eight. Just as many chocolate chip cookies, two slices of pizza, a double scoop of strawberry ice cream, a bowl of pudding, three rice balls, a large shrimp salad, and as many bean jam rolls as you can fit onto my tray!  
When she opened her eyes to see all that she expected to get, what she saw made her gasp and drop her tray.

S title screen & title music  
Sailor Moon S  
Ami Has a Weird Dream!  
The Two Blue-Haired Bitches Face Off!

Kaorinite: Would you like anything else to go along with all that?  
Usagi: Ka- Ka-!  
Minako: Like, holy crap! It's Kaorinite!  
Kaorinite broke into her cackle almost immediately.  
Kaorinite: AAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So it's you girls again!  
Makoto: Alright, what are you doing here!  
Kaorinite: Ugh, isn't it obvious? I'm your lunch lady.  
Usagi: You... Are?  
Kaorinite: Yeah.  
Rei: I don't believe her! Something fishy's going down!  
Kaorinite: No, no, really. After you bitches foiled our plan to shroud the Earth in darkness, us former members of the Death Busters all went our separate ways. Since none of us have a full education, - Well, besides that whore, Bidoh Yui-chan, - each of us had to find low paying blue collar jobs. This is mine.  
Minako, Usagi, Rei, Makoto: Oh...

On the other side of the room, Ami came into the cafeteria, her face buried in a book. She walked up to the buffet and purchased herself a prepackaged Caesar salad.  
Usagi: Ami-chaaaan!  
Ami ignored her 'friends'.  
Minako: Ugh, she like totally makes me sick, the way she's always studying!  
She whispered on the side to Makoto. Ami walked over to an empty table and sat down, eating her salad slowly as she read. The high schoolers behind the four girls were beginning to become impatient and started ranting.  
Student 1: Hey, hurry up over there!  
Student 2: Yeah, I ain't got all day!  
Student 3: I'm hungry!  
Student 4: ...I like... Eggs!  
Minako turned to them, explaining,  
Minako: As the wise like Chinese prophet, Unconscious, once said, "It is better to have loved and lost, like, than never to have seen Lost In Space at all."  
Students 1 - 3: ...  
Student 4: ...Me, too!  
Chibi-usa: No, no! That's all wrong!  
Chibi-usa yelled, climbing out of Usagi's backpack.  
Usagi: Wha- What? What are you doing in my backpack!  
Minako: It is? Like, well, you know what they say, "Never look into the anal cavity of a horse without having crayons!"  
Chibi-usa: OH MY GOD! What are you saying!  
Usagi: Minako-chan, I don't think you should copy quotes anymore...  
Chibi-usa: Quotes! Those weren't quotes! Those were twisted, disgruntled, sick, nasty sentences from a slutty air-headed bleach blonde with a high-pitched voice and a farfetched dream!  
Everyone gasped and turned to Minako. Minako's once girlishly charmed face and bright smile hardened and became dark.  
Minako: ...Like, excuse me?  
Rei: Uh, oh...  
Chibi-usa: I mean, get with it, Minako-chan! A pop idol! It'll never happen!  
Minako gritted her teeth and began twitching. Suddenly, she picked her head up and looked at Chibi-usa with fire in her eyes.  
Minako: Like, NO ONE talks that way about my dream!  
Makoto: Go get her, Minako-chan!  
Minako jumped on Chibi-usa right in front of the whole junior student body and commenced pounding the shit out of her.  
Makoto: Give her a left! Now a right! Yeah!  
The fight dragged out of the lunch line and the two girls rolled across the floor. Ami paid no mind to her surroundings at all whatsoever, and soon, her eyes began to become heavy from lack of sleep and too much study. Rei and Usagi watched Minako give Chibi-usa a well-deserved pounding with blank expressions. Usagi turned to Rei.  
Usagi: Should I um... Shout "IYAA" really loud and dramatically? I mean, after all, she IS my future daughter.  
Rei: No, you've done that in too many episodes. Let's just sit and watch.  
She said, waving her hand at Usagi, trying to shut her up. Just then, Hotaru busted through the lunch room doors and shouted,  
Hotaru: Kaorinite is in the cafeteria making potato salad!  
Then she went over to the food counter and got a scoop of Kaorinite's special.  
Usagi: Potato salad!  
The preppy blonde turned to Kaorinite.  
Minako: You're making potato salad!  
Kaorinite: Yes. It's today's special. Don't you read the lunch menu?  
Usagi: Oh, yummy! Yummy!  
She yelled, jumping up and down, clapping her hands. Minako got off the half-dead Chibi-usa and she and Usagi ran over to the lunch line again, pushing Students 1 through 3 out of the way.  
Rei: Uhh...  
She moaned, putting her hand on her forehead.  
Makoto: I could make potato salad better than that whore anyday!  
Usagi and Minako came running back from the line and huddled around Makoto.  
Minako: Like, oh, yeah! I like, forgot you knew how to like, cook!  
Usagi: Make us some! Make us some!  
She yelled, jumping up and down, clapping her hands. Hotaru ran around the cafeteria with a hunk of potato salad piled onto her tray, shouting,  
Hotaru: I'm eating Kaorinite's potato salad!  
Usagi and Minako bolted back over to the lunch line. Rei sighed. She and Makoto proceeded out of the cafeteria and into the courtyard.  
Rei: Blondes... What are you going to do?  
Makoto: I'm just glad I wasn't born blonde.  
Suddenly, Rei was tapped on the shoulder. She turned around.  
Haruka: Heh heh!  
Rei: I knew this had to be comming...  
She said with a heavy sigh.  
Michiru: Hello, my hom... ies?  
Makoto: Did you just try to say 'homies'?  
Michiru: Like, totally!  
Rei: The blue-haired girl's got it, too...  
Makoto: She's talking like Minako-chan!  
Haruka: Michiru bought "Hip Language" tapes so she could keep up with today's cool phrases! They were only $4.99!  
Rei: You sound like a commercial.  
Haruka: ...So buy now!  
Makoto: Was "Like, totally" in the millennium edition?  
Michiru: What? What's a 'milamum'?  
Makoto: Nevermind...  
Michiru: I forgot what year it was, so I bought 70's, 80's, 90's and 2000's tapes!  
Rei: You do realize that in order for it not to be the 70's, 80's, and 90's, each one has an increased year after?  
Haruka and Michiru looked at each other, then looked back at Rei.  
Haruka: Hmm?  
Makoto put her hand on her forehead.  
Rei: Oh boy...  
Just then, Minako and Usagi came running out of Hotaru's house and went over to their friends.  
Michiru: What is up, niggers?  
Haruka: No, it's "What's up, niggahs!"  
Michiru: Oh, my bad.  
They both giggled at themselves. Usagi and Minako exchanged confused looks.  
Usagi: I thought we were white?  
Haruka: Yo, dude, that's phat!  
Usagi: I am not fat!  
She screamed, placing her hands onto her hips.  
Rei: You should be, the way you eat...  
Minako: No, Usagi-chan. Like, I think she's like trying to speak ghetto... Or something.  
She stated, coming outside.  
Usagi: Ghetto? MMM! That's sounds yummy, yummy!  
She clung onto Makoto, whining loudly.  
Usagi: Mako-chan, can you make me some ghetto!  
Makoto: Uhh... No?  
Usagi: Oh... WAAH! WHY NOT! WAAH!  
Rei: Usagi-chan!  
She roared, smacking the crybaby over the head with Haruka's shoe,  
Rei: You can't EAT ghetto!  
Usagi temporarily ceased her bawling.  
Usagi: You can't?  
Minako: No, but like, you can eat cakes and cookies and muffins and...  
Michiru: Wow, that all sounds so radical and groovy!  
Haruka: Right on! ...Can I have my shoe back yet?  
Rei threw the shoe at Haruka. It hit her in the head.  
Haruka: Hey! Now I remember!  
Makoto: Remember what?  
Michiru: Oh! Me, too! I remembered, too!  
She shreiked, jumping at Haruka, excitedly.  
Makoto: Remembered what?  
Haruka: Duh! We remembered what we remembered!  
Makoto & Rei: REMEMBERED WHAT!  
Haruka and Michiru sat silently for a moment.  
Haruka: All your yelling and screaming made me forget!  
Michiru: I'm with stupid!  
She said, pointing at Haruka.  
Usagi: Well, I know.  
Haruka: How do you know?  
Usagi: You called me before and told me your plans for the day.  
Michiru: Why did you do that, Haruka?  
Haruka: I was hoping she'd stalk me for a while, then pounce and rape me.  
Minako: Like, oh my God! Ew!  
Haruka: Shut it, prep!  
Minako: Make me!  
Michiru: Haruka, how could you even think of cheating on me! ...Again!  
Haruka: Well, I-  
Michiru: That's why we go to therapy! 'Cuz you can't keep your hands off other women!  
Rei, who along with Makoto, was beginning to become tired with all this bickering, stepped in between the arguing couple.  
Rei: BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!  
Usagi: WUAA! How scary!  
Everyone fell silent.  
Rei: Now, Usagi-chan, where are Haruka-san and Michiru-san going?  
Usagi: I can speak?  
Rei: Yeah.  
Usagi: You're not gonna yell at me?  
Rei: No.  
Usagi: You sure?  
Rei: DAMMIT, USAGI-CHAN!  
Usagi: WAAAAH!  
She cried,  
Usagi: Why do you always have to yell!  
Makoto and Minako put their arms around Usagi and comforted her. Rei crossed arms and sighed, sickened at the fact that Usagi always turned out to be the good guy just by shedding some tears. Just then, Setsuna came parachuting down from the sky, wielding a machine gun.  
Setsuna: I am the Setsunator!  
She shouted, firing bullets down at them. The six girls scattered, running around in circles and screaming. Setsuna landed on the table nearby and her parachute collapsed on top of her. Everyone stopped and stood, quietly, waiting to see what Setsuna's problem was. The parachute was suddenly shot open and Setsuna stepped out and walked toward them.  
Setsuna: I am the Setsunator. I am here because there are too many people in this story! I have to kill some of you off.  
Minako: Like, you totally can't kill me because I like have cheerleading practice AND volleyball practice like after school.  
Setsuna: You are too preppy! You must die!  
The Setsunator aimed and shot at Minako.  
Usagi: WUAAAA! Minako-chan!  
Usagi began flipping out. Michiru and Haruka clung to each other in fear.  
Setsuna: Do not be frightened. I can't kill you two even if I wanted to.  
Michiru: W- Why?  
Setsuna: Because if I did, I'd be antigay.  
Hotaru: Is that a bad thing!  
Setsunator turned to the little loudmouth who did not even belong anywhere near the high school, given the fact she's only about 11. Then she opened fire, filling the little girl's body with lead. Hotaru fell to the ground.  
Makoto: Holy shit...  
The brawny brown-haired girl bolted and didn't stop running until she reached her home.  
Usagi: I'm SCARED!  
She whined, hiding behind Rei. The Setsunator pointed the gun at Rei.  
Rei: YAAA!  
She ducked and the gun went off.  
Usagi: AAAH-

Ami shot up in her bed. The dim sun pierced through her curtains and shone on her face.  
Ami: Wow. What a weird dream!  
She climbed out of bed and looked over at her alarm clock which read "4:30pm".  
Ami: What! Wait a second...  
She thought for a minute, then called,  
Ami: MOM!  
Her mother staggered into Ami's room in a flimsy see-through nighty and a cocktail in her left hand.  
Ami: What's going on! Why is it afternoon!  
Ami's Mother: You don't remember?  
Ami: What are you talking about!  
Ami's Mother: You fell asleep in lunch today. Your friends tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't budge. Even the nurse tried to get you up with no success. The principal called me and I had to come get you.  
Ami: I did! You did!  
Ami's Mother: Yes. Your friends came over a little while ago, but they didn't stay long.  
Ami: Some friends!  
Ami's Mother: Oh, they would've stuck around, but you know how Caesar salad gives you gas...  
Ami blushed.  
Ami: Mom, shut up...  
Ami's Mother: I swear, an hour ago, this room was a huge green cloud.  
Ami: How embarrassing!  
The phone in the hallway began to ring. Her mother left the room to pick it up.  
Ami's Mother: Ami, honey, a girl called 'Harkura's calling.  
Ami ran to the phone, pushing her mom out of the way.  
Ami: Harkura?  
She listened quietly as the lesbian spoke.

Back at Haruka and Michiru's apartment, Haruka talked on the phone with Ami. Michiru sat on the windowseat in their apartment, overlooking the bustling town below. Suddenly, a fly began buzzing around her head and Michiru slapped it away. Minutes later, it was back and resumed irritating Michiru. She waved the fly away, but it kept returning.  
Michiru: Do flies ever stop buzzing and just chill out, or is that like unheard of to them!  
Haruka didn't answer. Michiru followed the annoying fly around her with her eyes, watching impatiently as it zoomed back and forth in front of her face.  
Michiru: Tell her I wanna race her!  
Haruka: Well, Michiru wants to race you.  
She said, still talking on the phone. Haruka saw the fly and took a swing at it.  
Michiru: You missed...  
Haruka: Damn!  
They both continued to attempt to kill the fly. Michiru giggled at Haruka.

Her eyes became slits as she listened.  
Ami: I'll be there.  
And she hung the phone up with a serious look on her face. Then she farted.  
Ami's Mother: Ugh! Was that YOU!  
Ami: Ehh, erm... No?

Haruka: I don't know why you wanna race dat Bitch. She's so ugly. I wouldn't wanna be in the same room with her, let alone the same pool!  
Michiru: Yes, but-- AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! GIANT FLY LESS THAN THREE INCHES FROM ME! OH MY GOD! IT'S SOO GROSS!  
She screamed, noticing how disgustingly large the fly that had been tormenting her really was. Haruka grabbed a can of hairspray off the table next to her and sprayed it. The fly was coated in the sticky fluid and stuck to the window, dying shortly after from the noxious fumes.  
Michiru: Sorry, I just got really freaked out.  
Haruka: I guess we can go now and show that whore who's boss of the water!  
Michiru: Yeah, I was going to say that, but was rudely interrupted...  
Haruka: Kick her ass for me, Michi.  
She said, as they walked out the door in linked arms.

Ami showed up just after Haruka and Michiru arrived. Michiru and Ami stripped down to their bathing suits.  
Michiru: EEWW! What is THAT!  
She screamed, pointing at Ami's thigh.  
Ami: Oh, that's just my digustingly large, overgrown, brown, hairy mole.  
Michiru stood with a shocked and grossed-out expression. Ami smiled, then jumped into the pool, splashing around. Michiru looked up at Haruka, who was on the high-dive and gulped.  
Haruka: You two ready? I'm beginnin' to get sick off Ami's scent.  
Ami: I'm ready! I'm ready!  
Michiru slipped into the water, keeping her distance from Ami. Ami still splashed around like an idiot, flipping, turning, and hopping around in the water.  
Michiru: CLICK You must have been a dolphin in your past life.  
Ami: Hehehe! Let's race, Bitch!  
Haruka looked down at them from the high dive. Her feet dangled over the edge.  
Haruka: Look at my fungus!  
Ami patted her flat chest and Michiru rolled her eyes.  
Ami: I have non-boobs...  
Haruka: See? I have a fungus! Look at my fungus!  
Ami: Shut up and flag, you fag!  
Haruka stood up and waved her hands abover her head.  
Haruka: GO!  
She shouted. Ami and Michiru shot off across the pool. Under the water, Michiru could see Ami. She thought to herself.  
Michiru: She swims like a disabled person! I have to beat her! 'Cuz I'm a lesbian!  
Ami said stuff, too.  
Ami: Stupid copycattin' blue-haired whore! DIE! DIE! DI-  
Her face became red and Ami began choking on the water she inhaled while talking underwater. She jumped up for air, but was immediately pounced on by Haruka.  
Haruka: Go, Michi, go!  
Michiru reached the other end of the pool and got out of the pool. Haruka swam over to the ladder and climbed out as well. As soon as Ami resurfaced, Michiru pointed at her and started yelling.  
Michiru: Genuine race! You hurt my feelings, Ho!  
Ami: I tried to drown on purpose so that the monkeys could dance the Macerana!  
Michiru: Stop your lyin', whore! Why didn't you die!  
Ami: My mother is a great doctor! Blah blah blah!  
Michiru turned to Haruka and they made out.  
Michiru: Tell me something sexy!  
She fiercely demanded.  
Haruka: I have a fungus.  
She said, softly and seductively.  
Michiru: Keep talking like that and I might have an orgasm right here.  
Haruka: Lick my fungus and eat it with a spoon.  
Michiru grabbed herself, moaning.  
Michiru: Ooh!  
Haruka: My fungus is green and crusty.  
Michiru: Ohh... Oh! Ooh!  
Haruka: It crunches between my crooked toes when I walk.  
Just then, Michiru threw her head back, wildly groaning in pleasure. A white liquid leaked from her bikini and streamed down her thigh and leg.  
Haruka: Michi 'gasm'ed!  
Ami: Or!  
Haruka: 'Gasm!  
The three of them giggled. Michiru went over to a nearby chair and picked up a towel that lay across it.  
Michiru: Is this yours, Haruka?  
Haruka: Nope. I think it's the straight girl's.  
Michiru wiped away the cum with Ami's towel and tossed it over to her.  
Michiru: You can have this back now.  
It fell next to Ami in the pool.  
Ami: Thanks! Now I have a new toaster!  
Just then, Haruka began throwing up. It splattered into the pool and she kept hurling as she stood on the edge. Ami swam around in it.  
Ami: I need practice! I have to beat you, lesbian!  
Michiru: Gotta catch 'em all!  
Haruka had almost completely filled the surface of the pool with puke. Ami kept swimming.  
Ami: Tastes like applesauce!  
Haruka grabbed Michiru's arm and held it into the air.  
Haruka: My Ho wins!  
She shouted. Then Haruka turned to Michiru.  
Haruka: I knew you'd beat her ass.

THE END

Usagi: Wow! I didn't know Ami-chan was such a freak!  
Rei: Uhh, I did.  
Minako: Yeah, Usagi-chan, like, where have YOU been!  
Usagi: Right here!  
Minako: Your mind like, totally wanders... Oh! is that skirt designer!  
Haruka: It's that damn hairstyle, I tell ya! It's taken over her brain!  
Usagi: HARUKA-SAN, NOBODY ASKED YOU!  
Makoto: Well, I thought it was a fun episode.I got to beat up Chibi-usa!  
Setsuna: And I got to kill you all!  
Minako: That was like, only in Ami-chan's totally demented dream!  
Michiru: Well, I won in real life.  
Makoto: Yeah, cuz you're little miss perfect!  
Michiru: Jealous?  
Makoto: No way! Cuz I've got the biggest boobs out of all of us!  
All: UNFAIR!  
Haruka: I don't want boobs...  
Ami: Do I get to say something?  
All: NO!  
Usagi: Sailor Moon Says!


End file.
